Love, Cee ♥

Be Jealous

2009-06-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I'm headed

I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.

Lessons at the Pump

2009-06-10T11:36:00.000-07:00

Last night, on my way home from work, I stopped to get gas. (I wish the story ended there, but that would make for a much less poignant Facebook note)

I was in a hurry, attempting to make it to soundcheck on time in preparation for an amazing night at church, so the last thing I needed was a man coming up to me as I attempted to pay with my debit card at the pump. I had inserted my card and was selecting my fuel grade when he appeared at my side.

He spoke in broken English and seemed very frantic; apparently, he had paid inside and then gotten into the car and drove away, forgetting to fill his tank. According to him, if I continued, I was going to be filling my tank with his prepaid gas, and he wanted me to come inside so the clerk could confirm that his $10 was still on my pump; I needed to find another available pump in the already overcrowded gas station.

Blame Lakewood, or the fact that a man had been shot point-blank in the head right around the corner from my office the afternoon before, or call me paranoid – but I immediately doubted his motives. I didn’t have time for this, and I certainly didn’t want to move my car to another pump so that he could fill his tank on my credit card because I naively believed his “prepaid story”. This seemed like something I would hear about on the evening news – the next big scam. So, I had to go inside to confirm before I did what he was asking me to do.

And as we proceeded with figuring this mess out, I became someone I successfully avoid becoming on a consistent basis; I treated him like the nuisance I felt he was.

I sighed heavily, and repeatedly. I went inside with him but avoided eye contact; I was irritated and inconvenienced and I checked my phone persistently… I was a complete and total brat. And I knew it. Something whispered, but I suppressed it.

I was agitated that he was “so tired” from work that he had gotten into his car after paying and drove off like a complete flake. (More whispering)

I was dismissing the man’s apologies with a half-hearted smile. I was agreeing with the clerk, who was barking at the poor man that he “couldn’t babysit his pump” if he had left by mistake, and it was the man’s problem and not his. I ignored the tiny tinge of guilt I was feeling and reminded myself that this was not my fault. I was just being cautious in not trusting his story. Right?

When the clerk confirmed that the pump in question was still ready with his prepaid $10 and had not read my debit card after all, I knew at this point that I was doing the right thing by moving my car, and that the man was genuine in his mistake, but I had yet to change my attitude. Stupid pride.

I glanced at my cell phone, confirming that my five minute stop for gas had turned into a twenty-five minute ordeal. Crankiness prevails, overshadowing the quiet whispering going on inside.

I stomped back to my car, muttering “yeah, it’s okay. Its fine.” to his persistent apologies and repeated confirmation that, in fact, it was his fault and not mine. I filled my tank and he filled his; he attempted to make nice with friendly chatter. I had no interest in chatting it up. The minutes ticked by, and I was in a hurry. I thought about the other gas station up the road and how, ironically, I had chosen this one at the last minute because it was a few cents cheaper. Go figure.

But, my naturally sparkling personality (haha, and by “naturally sparkling personality”, I mean Jesus) got the best of me. My heart softened almost instantly. I became sympathetic, and I sincerely accepted his apology as I got back in my car, smiling to let him know I was no longer angry. I felt guilty, but knew I had to leave graciously… God wouldn’t allow me to drive away after treating this stranger like a complete and total jerk. I raised my hand in a sheepish wave, and told him to enjoy the sunshine and the rest of his night.

I got into my car, but before I shut my door, I heard the last words out of his mouth.“I’m so very sorry. Drive carefully… God bless you and keep you.”

OUCH.

Now, I’m late for soundcheck, guilt-ridden and teary-eyed as I make the five minute drive to my house.

What a complete idiot I had been. This poor man probably had just as stressful of a day as I had. Who am I to place myself so far above him? My time was not more valuable than his.

He had made a mistake that I know I am capable of making – or will make in the future. He may have been spending his last $10 on gas. I would have been just as concerned about the $10, too, so why was I so quick to allow irritation to set in? Why didn't I joke with him about how that sounds like something I would do, or tell him to just be grateful he didn't drive away with the pump still in his car?

“What if you’re the only Jesus that someone will ever see?” This hadn’t been in my mind until I drove away… but obviously, it had been in his.

Ouch, ouch… OUCH.

I know we’re human, I know we made mistakes, and I know we’re saved by grace – but wow. What a reality check for me, on this beautiful Wednesday afternoon. What kind of a representation had I just been?I know I didn’t blatantly disrespect him or cause a scene, but it was worse in my mind because I knew, deep down, that I wasn’t handling the situation as I would have liked. I was aware of the whispering going on inside of me, but left it at that: I was just aware.

Everyone is fighting a battle, and everyday, we’re faced with decisions. We can treat someone with the impersonal carelessness of the world, or we can treat people – no matter what the situation – with our gifted dignity and grace. Unfortunately, falling on my face was the only way to remind myself of this. It was His way of telling me to slow down. Everyday is another opportunity to love, and to shower people with compassion and understanding. I had missed this chance, but I won’t miss another. Living in fear, in the best sense of the word, is just a great thing. A good fear will make us aware of our chances, and the importance of choosing the right direction when we come to a “fork” in the road.

I know I missed yesterday’s opportunity, but that just means that the next time someone makes a mistake and I’m faced with a decision, I can walk confidently down the right path. He made the mistake, and I was the one who learned the lesson. I love how that works.

It's Not Always Fun and Games

2009-04-29T12:03:00.000-07:00

Eww, today is just one of those days...

Negativity sort of envelopes you like a cloud, and I'm having trouble shaking it. It's not a big deal, and it will pass - but it sure is unsettling while it's here.

However. It's nice to be reminded that what goes up, must come down. And what comes down, can only go back up again :) I know it's easy to preach happiness and positivity, but when the spotlight is on me: all of a sudden it's not so easy anymore.

There's a quiet comfort in sadness that makes it attractive. Unfortunately. It's why people dwell. Sometimes, it feels almost peaceful there, like you can just relax and think and wonder and analyze without the guilt or temptation to put on a show.

I'll get over this quickly. But this should be light to your path; everyone stumbles. Everyone has their moments. Everyone falters and everyone wishes something could be different.

It doesn't mean life is any less beautiful, or that God is any less present.

And that, my friends, is true comfort.

The Dream Center

2009-04-27T18:54:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited! I just found out that I will be going on our church's Youth Mission Trip this summer, to L.A.'s Dream Center, as a female leader/counselor.

If you don't know what the Dream Center is, check out their website. The Senior Pastor, Matthew Barnett, came and spoke to us several months ago at one of our UnitedONE nights, and completely changed my world. I cannot wait to spend a week there, with people from home, serving God and loving His people. It's going to be life-changing. I didn't think it would work out for me to go, but funds and vacation time fell into place today - and now I'm on my way.

SO excited. God is doing big things in L.A., and I'm exited to go experience everything that He has in store for us!

About The Dream Center

Overcoming Fear

2009-04-24T12:44:00.000-07:00

I love when I have realizations; always God-inspired, and usually a completely humbling moment. I had one this morning... journey with me, won't you?

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

In the MSG version, it's a little more abrupt, which I love:

God will fight the battle for you. And you?
You keep your mouths shut!"

God had instructed Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, to free them from oppression. It's a pretty crazy story, because God wanted, in leading them out, to give the Pharaoh a stubborn heart to chase them down. Ultimately, God could then put His Glory on display, and the Egyptians would believe that He was God.

However, when the Egyptians caught up to them in the wilderness, the Israelites were convinced that they'd been taken into the wilderness to die. They thought this was the end... verses before even have them "crying out in terror to God", in fear of the Egyptians.

(Don't worry, eventually God instructed Moses to part the sea, the Isrealites were led to safety and the Egyptian army was destroyed, but if you want all the details of that, check out http://biblegateway.com to read it - I definiately recommend the Message Version)

Let me ask you this... how much of the Israelites do you see in yourself? When you're afraid, do you cry out in terror to God, begging him for His aid? Or does your faith overpower your fear, and allow you to lay everything down at His feet, for Him to handle?

Of course, times have changed. No one is going to step into your life to "part the seas", if you will, but the bottom line is, God designed us to be conquerors. But He never intended for us to conquer this world on our own.

Don't ever forget about your ultimate Power. Even in the fire.

If God is for us, who could be against us? Romans 8:31

I Will Not Be Shaken

2009-04-23T13:11:00.000-07:00

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be
shaken, for He is right beside me.
- Psalm 16:8 (NLT)

God's word confirms what we tend to always forget; God is never absent. He's infinite, and dwells within.. even when we feel completely alone. Press on with confidence. If God seems far away... who moved?

We Can Stand The Rain

2009-04-22T15:06:00.000-07:00

There is nothing quite as perfect as a beautiful, clear Washington day. We may put up with some rain, but on days like this, it totally proves to be worthwhile.

Whitney, Allison & I @ Dukes on Ruston Way

So serene...

Tough Love

2009-04-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

Do you know what I really, really, really hate?

Negativity.

Like, with a passion that burns deep inside of me – I loathe it.

Now, I understand that my saying this could be considered “negative”, but a) give me a break and b) I’m allowed to combat things in my life that I believe slow us down. Sorry, I am.

And I say “us”, as in a collective generation – because I think we can change it if we own up to it. And, of course, there’s the fact that it’s my Facebook note. So, if you don’t agree, you don’t have to continue reading. But just a fair warning; if you don’t agree, it probably means you’re the person that should read this the most and I’m probably talking about or inspired by you, but whatever. Go dwell in a corner, Negative Nancy.

I just want to shake people that seem to focus on or affirm every aspect of their life with some sort of negative pretense. It’s annoying, really annoying.I hate negativity and its gang of loser friends: Complaining. Judgment. Apathy. Pessimism. Offense. I hate it all. I think it’s a cancer that dwells deep inside us, and it’s up to us to battle it DAILY and keep it out of every single area of our lives.

I’m obviously not perfect, and I have my days where I’d rather complain than attempt to see the bright side, but those are fleeting. In fact, they’re kind of funny lately. I’ll have a moment of frustration, where I complain to anyone who will listen or completely curse the darkness. But it never makes me feel better. In fact, I often have a very awkward pause after the end of my vent session. It’s very much like God is staring at me, one eyebrow raised and arms crossed like the Father he is, almost as if to say : “do you feel better now?”And I never do.

Go figure.

I’m also not justifying ignorant naivety or sheer oblivion. There’s a way to be real, without having to suck the life out of everyone and everything around you with your crude “reality”.

Offense is a choice. You can argue all you want, but if you choose to not be offended, you never will be. How’s that for brilliant? Stop thinking everyone has it out for you and everything is working against you, and you’ll instantly feel the weight lifted.This may hurt to hear, but this world doesn’t revolve around you anyway, so the minute you stop expecting that very thing, you’ll avoid disappointment and let down and hurt and offense and blah, blah, blah. Seriously, how do people have time for this? My day would be completely consumed with crying and whining about what everyone is doing or saying or not doing or not saying if I chose to live that way, and I would never get anything done – let alone anything productive or world changing. Get over yourself. I say this with only love and encouragement. No offense. HA.

Another thing: build someone else UP. You’ll be amazed at how much better YOU feel, when you focus on improving someone else’s day. I’m not saying that we need to set off into the world solely to compliment someone else, expecting an instant return. But it you live generously, it will come back. I promise. And the sun will shine just a little brighter for you.

Here’s another reminder, for those of you to which this applies: you may be the only Jesus that anyone will ever see. Is that a scary thought? It should be. And I know you’ve heard it all before, and some of your Negative Nancy’s who are reading this note out of sheer curiosity are probably rolling your eyes right now and thinking “oh, Corianne, you’re so textbook”… well, stop. Those of you who have answered the call and actively work as His hands and feet – are you representing Him well? When we break each other down, complain about the church, drag our feet, keep score, make assumptions… we are very poor representation of why we do what we do. And people notice. They do, I promise. Stop allowing division and apathy. I’m done taking one step forward and two steps back, and you should be too.

And pessimism. You’re not being “pragmatic” or a “realist”. Get over yourself. Pessimism is negativity dressed up in fancy clothing. Call it what it is. If your glass is half-empty, find the source and replenish, you big downer! Stop beating around the bush, dropping subtle hints so people will ask what is wrong. If something is wrong, fix it immediately. Don’t wait for someone else to come around and top you off, because it won’t happen. Think of it this way. In this life, we’re all patrons in a buffet. We have a vast assortment of resources, chances and opportunities readily available to us, but there’s no waiter or waitress ready to serve you around the clock. You have to get up and do it yourself. If your glass/plate is empty… whose fault is that?

I feel so much better.

Manic Monday - 03.23.09

2009-03-23T16:12:00.000-07:00

Do you screen your phone calls?
Oh yes, definitely. I very much do; with caller ID and custom ringtones and all other various forms of technology, it's kind of hard not to.

When was the last time you lost your temper?
Hmm, it's been awhile. I don't lose my temper as much as I have little "mini-meltdowns", or just get so frustrated that I burst into tears.

When you're lost, do you ask for directions?
Depends on the level in which I am lost. In a completely in a different city that where I should have been? Yes. Two appaernt blocks away but cannot find the right turn I'd written down on a napkin? No. I'm stubborn - and spoiled. 9 times out of 10 - OnStar to the rescue!

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Songs You Hate

2009-03-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

Caution: thinking of things you hate first thing in the morning is not going to make your mood any lighter. Yikes. And I didn't want to delve into the music of my childhood, because there's a lot of animosity there... I'm a product of the 80's. So, instead, I will stay somewhat current (well, within the past ten years). These are ten songs that would inspire me to change the station. Here ya go!

1. Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie
This song has just annoyed me thoroughly, for quite some time

2. You're Beautiful - James Blunt
Repetitive and unimaginative... He talks about being "f#$ing high"... always a nice addition to an attempt at a love song.

3. Believe - Cher
No, no, no, no.

4. Bootylicious - Beyonce
I can't even say the word "bootylicious".

5. Nookie - Limp Bizkit
Yuck. Come on, Fred.

6. Blue - Eiffel 65
I WANTED TO SCREAM EVERYTIME IT CAME ON.

7. Lollipop - Lil' Wayne
I cannot stand him, and this song is just the icing on the cake.

8. Milkshake - Kelis
People need real jobs - writing music like this should not earn them a living.

9. If You Steal My Sunshine - Len
I just remember being haunted by it, on the radio.

10. Underneath Your Clothes - Shakira
loathe her, and anything she's released. She can dance, but that is IT.

Manic Monday - 03.09.09

2009-03-09T12:25:00.001-07:00

What would you do with an extra hour each day?
Probably just finish things that I didn't already have time do do in the eight hours we already get. I always want just another hour in the day - but I'll bet it wouldn't make much of a difference.

Do you wear a watch? If so, tell us about it. If not, how do you keep track of time?
No, no watch. I don't like them. And my cell phone works just fine for time - or the computer.

If it was possible, would you want to know how many days you had left to live?
Eeek. No. I debated this for a moment, but I think in this case... being in the dark would be just fine with me. Too much pressure to know "the day". That's just kind of... morbid?

Tag, you're it! :)

Thou Shalt Not...

2009-03-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

covet snow.

Ever.

Because after years upon years of watching a mere inch or two of snowfall melt away before Christmas morning, never to return, we are now being blasted, in March.

This after being blasted in February. And in January, and in December.

I'm done. I'm so, so, so done with snow.

So, thank you God, for keeping meticulous count of my childhood prayers for snow... but you can disregard now. I'm all set.

She's Banned From All Things Digital

2009-03-06T14:29:00.000-08:00

Kj has lost yet another camera.

I don't know what I am going to do with this girl; she's snowboarding today and her like, eighth, camera flew out of her possession while somersaulting down a blue run. Whatever that means. But the descriptives she used as she emailed us from her phone did not sound like it was an enjoyable time.

Pray for her sanity. She now has two cameras wandering in Las Vegas, one somewhere in a dumpster outside of Indochine, one at a bar in a small college town up north, one at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean and now one forever playing in the snow on Crystal. And those are just the ones I can recall.

And also, pray for those hundreds of pictures frozen in time. Pun totally intended. The pictures from her 25th birthday bash were on this camera, and I KNOW she is probably honestly upset about that.

RIP, Cannon Digishot VIII

Before I Go

2009-03-05T17:18:00.000-08:00

I'm late in leaving work, but I just must say...

I threw away my stupid Demon Plant, and now I have nowhere now to get rid of my leftover water at the end of the day.

I think it's very cool that that rhymed.... in a off-beat kind of way (whoa, what?? Wow, I can't stop...)

But seriously, I have a stupid habit of collecting an assortment of cups filled with various liquids... all the live-long day. Water cups, half-empty coffee cups, soda cans, mugs of tea. At one point, a co-worker took all the cups out of various trash cans and put them all on my desk, just for a sweet Friday morning prank.

I am the Queen of Cups. I am trying to defy this title.

But I hate throwing away cups FULL of liquid into the trash... it's rude to the cleaners.

So, Demon Plant helped with Cup-control. I poured any cup with leftover water into him (yes, i was attempting to drown him and no, it never worked - once, I even poured Diet Coke in there and he just seemed to flourish over the following days)... and now he is gone.

...and the cups are gathering, yet again.

That's a Whole Lot of Tan...

2009-03-05T13:27:00.000-08:00

I am not happy about spending my entire lunch break to cancel my tanning package at Desert Sun. The bottom line is, no one in their right mind would spend $65 a month for unlimited tanning.

Nevermind the fact that I temporarily agreed to do so. I was certifiably crazy, trying to throw myself together in two days for Kj's birthday bash in Seattle. I didn't have a dress at the time, but one thing I did realize was this: everything I was destined to try on within the next few days would look that much better after a few visits in a Super Bed.

I wanted to tan.

And I wanted the Sales Girl to shut up.

So, yes, I buckled and paid $65 for "unlimited tanning" for a month, and there's nothing I can do about that, but I will be damned if I will continue to allow them to deduct said amount from my account every single month.

I don't even tan that much. And surely I will not, in hindsight, PAY for skin-cancer. No, thank you.

Give It Away

2009-03-05T09:12:00.000-08:00

Last night, we had the opportunity to hear from Pastor Tracey Armstrong. He pastors Citadel Church just right up the freeway in Des Moines. This is the second time I've heard him speak, and something happened within me, at a particular moment in the service. He was talking about saying yes. About saying YES as a church, and showing up with expectation levels soaring, so that God can show up and work through our lives, to reach others.

Tracey is the epitome of passion. Everything he does is purposeful, which is something that is so inspiring to me. I'm drawn to passion. He exudes it.

One of my favorite verses in the bible is from Mark, and Tracey's messages went hand in hand with this scripture. It says:

Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for? (MSG)

Lately I've been hearing so much about being "of the world", and honestly, that's not where I want to go with this post. That would be an entirely different post on its own. I think, when Tracey talked last night about laying it all down, he wanted us to stop wasting our lives living half-heartedly, in answering His call. We're chosen people, and chosen people are purposed to share Him with the world... and each gift may be a little bit different. We can all be shining examples of God, and each of our testimony is different for a reason. Your "harvest" is different than mine. Laying it down means putting aside selfish intentions, ambitious goals for success, and acknowledging our power as a church - as a collective body of Christ.

If someone has been saved by grace, time and time again - then their testimony will reach those who need to understand that you don't need to earn His love. It's impossible. We serve a God of grace, and grace means that no matter our sin, we're saved because of His ultimate sacrifice. But who can ever understand that, if we don't tell our story? The girl who dwells in her shame and thinks she's done far too much wrong to ever earn His love will never understand that his love transcends all humanity... what we've done doesn't matter. What we do, is what matters.

If someone has experienced His power of healing, how will someone else fighting a battle ever understand that our God is a God of miracles? How will they ever grasp that when we give up all hope... then that is when we truly begin to die? How will they ever understand that God WILL meet us at our expectation level. Only if we truly think something to be impossible for Him, will it be.

If I've changed because of God's love... then I need to give that love away. And I'm not necessarily talking in the physical sense. I'm talking about being love. I don't have to memorize scripture or remember the parables, word for word, that Jesus told. I don't have to speak to millions to save a soul. If someone is forever changed because of the love than envelopes them when they're in my presence, I'm living as He's designed me to live.

If, when I walk away, they feel that my presence is lingering around them and that they find themselves wondering, when I'm long gone... "what is it about her?" God didn't love me so I can bask in it alone. He loved me so that I could love others.

What good is His precious gift to the world, if I only take my share and allow others to fend for themselves? If I don't share what I've learned, what I've experienced... then it stops with me. And I won't allow my harvest to die.

Some People's Kids

2009-03-03T10:45:00.000-08:00

Do you know what I love?

Getting into a "fight" at the gas station with the fifteen year old girl in the passenger seat of her mother's car, while her "mother" looks on stupidly; helplessly.

I mean, really? Control your child. Before I do.

And memo to the fifteen year old punk, throwing up gang signs as she barely peaked over the dashboard: when you learn to drive a car, you can tell me how to navigate mine.

Had you had ANY experience behind the wheel of said car, you would know that it was virtually impossible for me to pull forward to leave the pump. There was a lifted truck, an SUV and a Cadillac all at pumps in front of me. I had no choice but to back out, which was quite trying... seeing as to how the car chauferring you around town was waiting for it's turn at the pump, a mere inch from my bumper. But thank you, honestly, for taking it upon yourself to honk the horn, flip me off and tell me to drive forward. Really, that thought never crossed my mind.

I especially love how you made a spectacle of yourself as I finally freed my car from the gridlock of automobiles and drove away, getting out of mommy's car and coming at me like you were ACTUALLY going to beat me up.

Get real.

If you wanna do this, I'll meet you at the flagpole after recess tomorrow. Don't be late.

I've been PUNKED - for sure.

2009-02-24T10:37:00.000-08:00

I know I can be dramatic (shut up, some of you). But today’s lunch hour was SO absolutely insanely WRONG, I have to document it. I have to! So, bear with me… I’m kind of laughing about it now, so you can too.

It’s okay, really.

First of all. We get an all-staff email saying that they’re really cracking down on lunches - we HAVE to take them at our designated time and we HAVE to be back on time. So, I don’t really feel like pressing my luck as it is; as the shining example that I am (haha) I leave at 1pm exactly.

My lunch “hour” is actually only thirty minutes, so time is really of the essence. I have a birthday party this weekend, formal, which is requiring me to be in the token “little black dress” I mentioned last week – which, by the way, I still haven’t found. So, with the 30 minutes I have, I decide I should probably go tanning (hold the critique please, this little fact is really beside the point). I’ll go in a Super Bed to maximize my time. Perfect; I’m planning ahead.

As I go to pull out of the parking lot, I weigh my options. Option A takes me down Lakewood Drive, which I usually avoid all costs although I think it’s much faster, because a stupid sneaky cop usually sits somewhere in the school zone, pulling over ANYONE going a half a mile per hour over 20. I don’t think my car can physically even do 20mph, so I decide on Option B… a bit longer of a route, but safer for my driving record.

Well.

Option B is five straight miles of road construction, which I don’t realize until I am too far into it. And you know the flaggers holding the Stop/Slow signs? Well, all eight of them must have been communicating, via walkie-talkie, the look of absolute annoyance written all over my face, because I got the fresh STOP sign.

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

As in, every car down to the one in front of me got to pass go. Except for me.

I love that God has a sense of humor.

Eighteen minutes into my 30 minute lunch and clearly with not enough time left to tan, I opt for Taco Time… my guilty pleasure. I love the ranch there. And I love their salads. I’m grumbling about the fact that now I have to tan SOMETIME after work and before church, but it’s a quick jump over to South Tacoma Way and I’m starving. I figure I’ll be back in plenty of time to stroll into the office at 1:29pm. Perfect, as always.

Oh, did you know there’s ALSO construction on South Tacoma Way? Yeah, me either. I swear, the city of Tacoma just LOOKS for ways to make commuting more of a headache. Why “construct” THREE different major travelling routes into and out of Lakewood at one time!? Are you kidding me?

I hear my phone now going off in my purse; MADLY. I’m talking some insane ring that I’ve never heard before and it won’t stop. I’m dodging orange cones, digging through my purse for my stupid wannabe iPhone and watching for the turn into Taco Time… I come across my phone eventually – unlocked and with 64 new calendar entries. I don’t even know that that means.

None of these “calendar entries” I entered intentionally; they were, in fact, entered by my wallet, makeup case, and various other items in my purse bashing against the screen of my phone during the past twenty minutes. I’m trying to shut up my stupid “alerts”, and right before I resort to throwing it against my dashboard, I realize that I can mass delete all 64 random calendar entries, therefore silencing the alerts I had “selected” to go off every sixteen seconds. I mean, really.

Oh, then I randomly turn into Wendy’s, rather than Taco Time. I do not want Wendy’s. I want Taco Time. I turn the wrong way down a one way parking lot, turn around and realize I can not RE-enter South Tacoma way this direction because of – yep, you guessed it – construction.

I won’t go into detail about how I got to Taco Time because I’m pretty sure I broke about fourteen laws and almost killed a pedestrian, but I got there.

I was happy for my taco salad. Ordering went smoothly. I am now on the homestretch of my lunch, returning to work. Annoyed, yes, but it’s almost over.

I have a killer migraine at this point. Almost to the point of tears.

I swing into the gas station for pills of some sort. Don’t judge me. Anyway, swing into the gas station and run into my ex-boyfriend. Yeah. I’m NOT kidding. Not much happened there, because I honestly just looked up to God and asked Him if He was kidding me, got right back into my car, and left – avoiding a conversation I really didn’t want to have, a conversation I made every effort to avoid at all costs by keeping this part of my past, in my past. The only thing I suffered was an awkward silence as we stared each other down for a moment as I weighed my options, and then an even more awkward silence (for him) as I mumbled some lame excuse about being late for a meeting, and got back into my car. It was painfully obvious. For him, not me.

Disaster avoided. And now my headache was gone from the sheer trauma of the events of the last half an hour – nice.Yes, and I did say “half an hour”… I was supposed to be back at work and was not. Awesome.

I get back into my car, start it… and you know how sometimes there’s a random CD error that spits out the CD you have in the player and resorts back to the plain old radio? Well, it happened… which would have not been so dramatic had the song not been Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry” – quite possibly my most hated song of all time.

I FINALLY get back to work, and get out my salad… sans ranch. The moron at Taco Time was in on this mess too. He forgot my freaking ranch.

By now, it’s all I can do not to burst into a fit of rage, but I stomp to the kitchen and find some random dressing in the refrigerator that I can use, begrudgingly. I eat my salad, begin working…And then notice the ranch. Which had been hidden UNDERNEATH the taco shell… which ONLY could have been seen AFTE R THE SHELL WAS CONSUMED… which made the USE of the freaking ranch, NULL and VOID.

I’m now debating blowing up Taco Time, South Tacoma Way, Gravelly Lake Drive, and the gas station, just by association.

The icing on the cake? As I’m finishing this sweet little note, my coworker just brought me my keys, which I had left in the kitchen. Typical Corianne.

She also asked me how I’m doing today.

And you know how I replied?

“Blessed.” :)

I Told You So

2008-12-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

I love inviting people to church. In fact, I do it daily. I ask God always, to show me where He wants me to be… teach me who He wants me to reach out to… show me what sort of connections He has predestined me to make. I love my church, and above all, I am passionate about my God. I crave for others to be sustained by the same peace, the same enveloping love, and the same motivation that I have, to know Him… intimately, at all times.

But, there’s one relationship in my life that I sort of allowed God take a backseat to. A close friendship, someone I assumed would never accept my invite to church, so I never asked. It wasn’t “her thing”, in my eyes. In fact, I was pretty sure she wouldn’t even take me seriously if I did. Her life is “full”; I knew her self-imposed strength would never allow her to feel weakened by the lack of His presence in her life. She’s the girl that everyone envies, because she “has it all”… she’s beautiful, smart, successful, strong.

In all the times that I asked God to show me who I was supposed to shine on, she was quickly dismissed from my mind. I almost would laugh… “God, really? No, no, no… that’s not happening.”

He reminded me over and over again that He would meet me at my expectation level. That, if I prayed for her, He would make it happen. I loved Him, I lived for Him, but somehow deep down, I had resigned myself to accept that she was someone that would never be moved by Him. Unless, of course, her life spiraled so out of control that she had nowhere else to go. So, I prayed for her – half-heartedly; out of obligation because it was the “right thing” to do. I didn’t believe it would happen, but I prayed for it anyway.

Have you ever been in a situation with one of your parents, where you KNOW what you’re supposed to do in a particular situation… they KNOW what you’re supposed to do… but no one says anything, because they know that the truth of the matter will be revealed to you in an “I told you so” moment?

Which, by the way, I loathe entirely. Especially if I’m not the one saying “I told you so”. Dumb.

So anyway, last night, I had an incredible “I told you so” moment with God.

When I got the text, asking for the name of my church, I felt God clear his throat, reminding me that He was there. I smiled, shook my head, and responded to her text.

When I told her Champion’s Centre, and asked her “how come?”… and she responded with nothing more than “I want to start going”… I felt God stretch, in the literal sense; nonchalantly, as if to say “yeah, she’s coming. It’s really no big deal. You can thank me later, daughter.”

I was sort of paralyzed at that moment - with a sense of shame, and amazement. How selfish of me to never ask Him to work in her life. How selfish of me to assume that He wasn’t strong enough to move in the lives of the most broken. How SMALL of me to assume that He wasn’t big enough to fill the hearts of even the people that didn’t know they hungered for Him.

I know she’s always believed in God, but something inside of her shifted… and she turned to me, in this realization.

Is it because I allowed my light to shine, even if from a distance? Am I really His hands, and His feet? Am I really the only glimpse of Jesus that people may ever see?

Yes. That’s who we are, and this is why.

The bottom line is, if I hadn’t resolved to living like He IS, than she never would have dialed me in her attempt to find Him. All of these years, she has been the one influencing others – in style, words, attitude and opinion. People looked to her, in search of these things. She’s a strong presence in this world.

Had I really been an influence… and hadn’t even realized it?

It reminds me of one of my favorite little quotes… “no amount of darkness can ever hide a sparkle of light.” No matter how small your light may feel when it’s oppressed by the ways of this world, don’t let it burn out. No matter how trivial your passion may feel, in a world so burdened with other things, don’t let it go. Don’t ever doubt Him, and His ability to reach the lost. Don’t ever put limits on His love. And most of all, don’t ever feel as if someone isn’t worth your prayers.

Give Him the credit He deserves.

A part of me knows that He thoroughly enjoyed proving me wrong last night. And that’s fine with me.

Grey's

2008-11-07T11:18:00.001-08:00

"at some point, you have to make a decision. boundaries don't keep people out, they fence you in. so, you can waste your life drawing lines, or you can live your life crossing them. here's what i know - if you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular."

- grey's anatomy

James 1:6-8

2008-11-07T11:17:00.001-08:00

...be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

12 God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

[James 1:6-8, 12 NLT]

Who I'd Like To Meet

2008-11-07T10:42:00.001-08:00

who would i like to meet?

anyone passionate about something worthwhile.

dynamic people.

whoever doesn't allow circumstances to determine attitude.

anyone with vision.

people strong in faith and character.

those who have mastered the art of confidence without cockiness.

people that just get it.

a person that refuses to take the credit.

anyone genuine.

people that have prevailed against all odds.

someone that will change the world.

Obama 08

2008-11-05T09:47:00.000-08:00

Romans 13; Respect for Authority

[Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God.-Romans 13:1]

so, those of faith... why are you worried?

If you voted McCain, be proud of the race he ran. Listen to his concession speech; take it to heart. He's a great man.

If you voted Obama, celebrate in his historical victory. Listen to his acceptance speech; pray for his leadership if you'd like. He's a great man.

But either way, remember the big picture, please. Let's not get lost in hate, bitterness, anger, resentment, arrogrance, pride or any other ugly emotion that Politics apparently brings out in people. Complaining, slamming our new President and contesting the decisions of the world won't accomplish anything.

Be happy. Live and love your life. YOU are what matters. HE is what matters.

Congratulations, Obama! :)

Election Day 2008; sometimes i wonder...

2008-11-04T09:53:00.000-08:00

...if people know WHY they're supporting the presidential candidate that they are supporting.

is it because your boyfriend told you to?

or because your mom and dad said so?

or maybe it's because you like the idea of maybe having a woman in office? or just because you want to live to see the first black president?

in any light, i pray that you're educated in the vote you cast today. it's our responsibility to be. and if you're not, don't run around acting like a delegate for your candidate of choice... it's rather irritating, considering you probably decided who should be president of our COUNTRY based on the mood you woke up in.

bah.

Cash Back

2008-10-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

i feel like posting a fun, uplifting entry. for no good reason, except that i'm in an exceptionally good mood this morning - again, for no particular reason. life is funny like that :)

i had to run into Rite Aid this morning, and received the BEST service from the clerk there. It was early, I was the first customer, and she could have been like I am on any given weekday morning - tired, quiet and edgy. but she didn't; she complimented me, made jokes, even made fun of me when i immediately pulled my debit card out of my wallet, out of habit, even though she had just told me that she was going to be giving me cash back instead... and as i left, i felt myself even walking lighter, a little bit happier to head off to work.

amazing - just a short exchange with someone i probably will never see again had the ability to possibly change the entire course of my day.

don't ever forget - you have the chance to be that person today - to someone in your life. it could be a customer you help, the barista at your coffee shop, someone you pass by in the hallway at school.

so, smile a little more. take your time. relax. and love the life you live. believe me, it shows. and it changes people.

on another note - ANTHEM is tonight.

service starts at 8p, but i'll be meeting a great friend for coffee early at Starbucks and will be there for pre-service at 7:15 if you'd like to join me (which you should; i'm a fun girl!)

How I'm Blessed

2008-10-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

Do you want to know how I know I’m blessed?

I’m blessed because in the midst of trial and tribulation, there is an inner peace in my heart that is never shaken. Ask me about it.

I’m blessed because my friends and family respect me enough to come to me for advice, even if they don’t ever take it. Ask them about it.

I’m blessed because I’m no longer a victim to my fears; any of them. God has taken my hand willfully enough, on many occasions, and led me straight into the fire that was raging in my mind – and I’ve come out refined. Ask Him about it.

I’m blessed because I have an amazing, and ever-expanding group of people in my life that love and encourage me always; for every friend I thought I had that has proven to be nothing more than an illusion, He shows me one more person that I may have taken for granted from time to time, that was waiting in the wings for me to overcome myself.

I’m blessed because just when it feels like I can’t take another step, I’m renewed. Again, and again, and again.

I’m blessed because when I can’t seem to find the words to say, He always does.

I’m blessed because I’ve finally embraced my passion; I’ve recognized when and how to fan the flames of this fire when it rages within me.

I’m blessed because just when I think no one understands who, or why, I am; I find a verse in the Bible, or in my favorite song, that reminds me otherwise. Read about it.

I’m blessed because I get IT. I have IT. I see IT. I love IT, and cannot live without IT.

I’m blessed because I can see how far I have to go… and just how far I’ve come.

I think my plant is filled with the Holy Spirit.

2008-10-22T12:58:00.000-07:00

i'm officially freaked out by my superhuman powers to continuously raise my plant from the dead - for like six months straight, every single week.

this. thing. won't. die.

minutes ago, i just physically watched it perk up about an inch; now, minutes later, that branch that was completely lifeless... is now alive and well. again.

wow. i don't know if i should be scared.

next week, i'm taking before and after shots so you can all be witnesses. this thing is insane.

just the facts.

2008-10-20T10:52:00.000-07:00

i'm a bad loser. i'm not quiet. i'm an over-thinker. i have a lot of "great ideas". piano music makes me happy. chicken on the bone makes me gag. i love other people's kids. tell me i can't, and i will... twice. i wish life came with background music. i'm impatient, impatient, impatient. i'll surprise you. when i'm stressed out, i have the craziest dreams. i'm a mental perfectionist - weird. God-fearing, seeking & serving. i love - and understand - football. i dip popcorn in ranch. i'm all bark, no bite... don't tell. i love the facts. anger + frustration = tears. tears = passion. passionate = me. it's all about the math, really.

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Things That Scare You

2008-10-01T16:50:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post this last night... so, forgive me. I'm a bit behind! :)

1. Clowns. Any clowns. Thanks, Stephen King.
2. Rodents. They are the most disgusting creature known to man, and they give me panic attacks.
3. Misplaced, or misused, power/control. Unfortunately, we see it far too often these days.
4. Failure, in any form. The possibility never makes life easier.
5. Deadlines
6. Music that just sounds like a bunch of screaming… is that called Screamo? Whatever; it’s scary to me that people mistake that as talent.
7. Cancer
8. Childbirth. It’s bad to put “childbirth” after something as devastating as Cancer, and I know it’s beautiful and blah, blah, blah… but the thought of it terrifies me to my very core.
9. Animals dressed as humans (and that is specifically for Allison and Lacy)
10. Misunderstandings. Actually, any “mis” words in general. They usually don’t mean something fun and happy.

Quote(s) of the Day

2008-09-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, that which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying. -[Meredith Grey]♥

Alex Karev: "Why are you helping me?"
Izzie Stevens: [yells] "CAUSE IT'S WHAT JESUS WOULD FREAKING DO!"

Matthew Barnett

2008-09-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

Last night, Matthew Barnett spoke, and now i want more than anything to move to LA and spend every waking moment elevating the minds and bringing God closer to people on the streets who think that they're ALL that they're ever going to be.

...or maybe i can do that in Tacoma ;)

Seriously, beside Pastor Kevin, I don't think i've ever listened to someone that inspired me to be a better Christian as powerfully as Matthew Barnett did last night. Ok, maybe Carl Lentz... and Jodi.

Anyway, wow.

If you missed it... you missed out. I'm not going to make you feel better about this one and tell you just to come out this weekend for Michael Junior because it will be just as amazing (in a very different way) and blah blah blah. Nope... I'm not going to do that, because missing last night is very much your loss! Ha!

Anyway, Matthew Barnett.

Check him out online and maybe even DONATE DONATE DONATE to the cause: http://dreamcenter.org/

They just opened a second location in NYC... Times Square. Doing big things for God... I love it.

Live Out Loud... So Your Words Don't Have To

2008-09-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

We’ve heard it time and time again: it’s not easy to be a Christian. Sometimes it’s confusing and emotional and trying to be a follower of Christ. We always find ourselves falling short, and the hardest thing to conquer seems to be the ability to open up your hands and let the world run through your fingers. Don’t close your fist; you’ll find yourself grasping onto things that have no place in your life. Living hard for him is easy… living easy for him is hard.

I want to talk about things I do that I apologize to God for… daily. Because the most intimate thing I’ve experienced is catching myself in the midst of a bad decision, a poor thought or a negative assumption; stopping myself, and turning to God to repent for my ways. I’m so happy to be nowhere near perfect. I’m so glad that He, like the perfect Father He is, just takes my shame, brushes it off and picks me back up to hold me tightly.

So. Here I go. The hardest thing for me, is people that claim to be Christian and then live completely the opposite. This, in itself, is a horrible statement for me to make – “claim” to be a Christian. My judgment of their heart is inappropriate, but my imperfection allows me to shutter at someone who lists “God or Jesus Christ” as their hero on Myspace, and then has profanity and pornography plastered everywhere else. Can someone who abuses drugs, makes poor decisions and worships sex really be a Christian? Can they really understand what it means to be a follower of Christ? Do they really get it? I get so confused when asking God how I need to handle these situations.

And, time and time again… I am painfully reminded, every time, of the verse in Romans 14.

4 Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

And

13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.

They may not be walking a righteous path right now, but their decisions should never be something I take the time to judge or ridicule. Sure, I’d love to advise on what I believe is the correct path to being an obedient child of God, but God is the Ultimate Teacher. His lessons are far more powerful and effective than my own. I am humbled to remember this. Sometimes, knowing that I may be the only Jesus that someone ever sees, can overpower my position of obedience to His control over our lives. Just as wearing a cross around your neck doesn’t make you a Christian, advising someone to live a certain way as a Christian does no good until they come face to face with God Himself, and their heart is forever changed.

But imagine with me for a moment… you are at a concert; a small, intimate performance of your favorite group or artist. You’re front row, practically in the spotlight yourself, with the most amazing view and ability to really connect and appreciate. This is an artist you’ve followed for years; you pride yourself on knowing the ins and outs of THEM; their performances are something you wait impatiently for and buy tickets to months in advance. You know every song, every lyric and every chord. And if you don’t, you sure will by this time tomorrow. You sincerely appreciate their talent, and are so happy to be apart of their success.

Then, imagine, in the midst of your love and devotion – someone walks in, sits down next to you, and begins publicly deface your favorite artist. They talks about the horrible style of performance this time around. They start picking apart every moment of their performance; everything from deciding the singer sounds off key to noting the poor choice of dress for the entire band. They shake their head in disgust at the lighting, the sound, and even scoff at the people sitting in the room as “fans” of this group. Yet, this entire time, this apparent “fan” is wearing the band’s t-shirt. Owns all the CD’s. Travels to shows on occasion and even may have an autograph or two.

Wouldn’t this sort of thing just physically anger you?

Out of respect for God, and respect for my faith, it upsets me when people have the cross around their neck as a security blanket, or throw faith around as a strong defense when faced with trials… like that is all it takes to live for Him; like He is happy with you remembering on occasion and when it is convenient, that you are a child of God.

He’s not. He wants more from you, from all of us. We need to live out loud, so our words don’t have to.

So, when I forget this, and my words begin to live louder than my actions, I apologize to God… I apologize to God for not trusting him with His people, and not allowing Him to be the one to reach the lost. I may be His hands and feet, but He is the Saviour. Not me. He knows my heart, and when it breaks for Him. He knows when I hurt because He is hurting, and He knows when I ache for the lost to be found. So, I apologize. And l step back, and remember to let Him do His job.

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Great Things That Happened This Summer

2008-09-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

I only get to choose ten? Ok, here it goes:

1. I got to lay on an air mattress in Lake Chelan, for hours on end.

2. A family friend was saved during his first visit to our church.

3. Three words: Labor Day Weekend. Several more words: Dave Matthews Band @ The Gorge with amazing friends. Seriously, this weekend may go down in history as one of the most amazing trips EVER.

4. A best friend from high school, Stefanie, got MARRIED! (Yesterday, to be exact...)

5. I finally left South Hill.

6. Kid's Camp, and staying up all night to sneak down the waterslide at 4am. Oh, to be an adult.

7. We introduced "game nights" into our routine, then quickly dismissed them from our lives when the competition turned violent.

8. Political History was made - first female Republican VP candidate, and first African American Presidential Candidate. That's always cool.

9. The Truth Project.

10. We discovered an amazing "Sushi Happy Hour" at Dragonfish, in Seattle.

Looking Back

2008-09-12T16:56:00.000-07:00

First of all, i'm praying for everyone in Texas right now... the hurricane is getting closer, and I cannot even imagine how scary that must be:( BUT... God is good, and nothing is beyond His reach! :)

Also, I heard some terrible news today, about a woman I had met and knew briefly this time last year. I just found out she isn't with us any longer, and it breaks my heart to think of what must be going on in someone's life, for them to turn to suicide as the "answer" to it all. She had children; she was a beautiful person with obvious struggles, just like everyone else in this world. I'm not saying that I have it all together, and please don't think I'm sitting up here on a pedestal, preaching to you about how WRONG suicide is... I know life is hard, I know it's painful, and in no way do I understand the pain that some people feel... but I also know that there's a Love out there that is FAR more powerful than any depression or way of this world. Personally, I can't even imagine; I'm just asking anyone that reads this to keep her family, her three grown sons, in your thoughts and prayers. They need all the strength and comfort and love that they can get right now.Take a moment tonight... hug your parents, daughters, song, cousins, friends, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, dog... tell people how much they mean to you, tell them how much you appreciate them. Because not only is there a chance that you may not know something happening inside their heart, but you may not know if that's the last chance you get with them.Personally, I wish my relationship with this woman could have been a lot different. Had I known her struggle and the decision that she was soon to make, had I known that her grip was slipping... I may have done the right thing, loved her a little more selflessly... and taken her hand.

End of Summer Summary.

2008-09-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

- Jimmy Needham. Google him. Listen to him. LOVE HIM!

- Best Night in Recent History: last night of Kid's Camp: 4am Waterslide Adventure turned into an all-nighter. I'm lucky to have been "in" with the veterans, so I wasn't a prank target... because this was definitely my Rookie year as a counselor. Yikes. When it looked like the pranks just MAY have turned on the girls when things started dying down, we just decided to ALL head down the waterslide. Every single one of us, fully clothed, wet down by a hose and illuminated only by headlights at the top of the hill, and headlights at the bottom of the hill. 845 acres of woods is such a good thing; we were definitely obnoxiously loud. The best part about the entire thing: the Pastors are the ones leading the pranks, and it's just a PART of camp. So fun, so crazy... tearing through the woods in a black Tahoe drivin' by the coolest J. High Pastor looking for prospective targets hiding out. This is practically an infomercial for all of those people out there who think that you need some sort of substance to have fun... we all had the time of our lives, and we did it completely and totally sober, yo. Check yourselves. ;)

- Best Weekend in Recent History: Dave Matthews @ the Gorge. Most gorgeous venue in the world. The sand kicked my allergies into high gear, the wind practically blew us away, there was NO electricity and NO running water, and beetles bigger than a golf ball... but it didn't even slightly dampen the amazing amount of fun we all had. There's nothing better than floating down the Columbia River 7 hours of the day with six of your best friends, BBQ'ing all your meals and taking naps in a tent. Life is so, so good.

fairweather fans.

2008-07-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

So, we may not be having the best year in baseball - but how gorgeous are these pictures? ;) Forgive my "abstract" angles and coloring, I was having an artistic moment during a recent family outing to Safeco Field - for my first Seattle Mariner's game since like, 1999 (that is the year I threw my hands up in disgust when I realized nothing could compare to the record-breaking '95 season).

My Dad gives me a hard time for being a fairweather fan; I always shrug it off like it's not a big deal - it's only baseball. But recently I got to thinking about how similar this mentality is, in the Church... or in our relationship with God. I know so many people - close friends, in fact - who are so quick to praise Him in the "season of '95" - but when you're 0 for 3 and boasting a losing record, how quickly we forget just how mighty and worthy our God is... even in our darkest hour.

I want don't want to be a fair weather fan. I don't want to sing His praise only when my life couldn't possibly get any better; I want to love Him when it seems as if everything is falling apart around me. I want to know that in a moment of complete despair, that He is the only thing steadfast and strong, unwavering and perfect. He needs to be the first place we run when things get bad; we need to stand up and sing His praises when everyone else in the world around us would wonder how we can bring ourselves to worship in 'times like this'. When life is busy and chaotic and we can't seem to control anything around us - the CHURCH needs to be our refuge... not somewhere we go only when time and our 'busy schedule' permits.

Casting Crowns' has an amazing song, Praise You In This Storm, that says it best - and completely stops me in my tracks when I hear it...

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say AMEN, and it's still raining...

as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled
in the wind You heard my cry to You and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can I carry on... if I can't find You?

I lift my eyes onto the hills; where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Why We Do What We Do

2008-07-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

Our first outdoor Anthem service was a crazy success. Seriously, sometimes there are nights where you walk away completely refreshed and reminded of the power and the heart of our amazing God; you're changed, and you didn't even realize it was happening when you first pulled in for "another Wednesday night" service.

There are times when God delivers an inspired word that breaks us out of the routine of what we become used to; truly, it happens when we least expect it. I know there had to be reservations about moving the service outdoors, but it really shouldn't be surprising that God can turn something nerve-wracking and chaotic into something life-altering.

We watched three guys from the Military walk into the roundabout around 6:30pm; they had overheard about our Anthem service while getting haircuts. And what is more amazing than the simple power of "word-of-mouth", is the fact that God moved in them so much before we even realized; to come out together on a Wednesday night at 6pm to some church they'd never been to before, in a state that they don't even call home. They didn't know that, tonight, we would be outside for the first time all summer. They didn't know it started at 8pm; they got there at 6pm just hoping that they could at least find the correct location, or someone to point them in the right direction.

Not only did Pastor Brandon's message lead them to a recommitment to Jesus later in the evening, but even past that, they helped us tear down and clean up and were connecting with our team leaders as the night ended. I've said it before: when God finds passionate people determined to walk by faith, he doesn't waste a moment of time.

Brandon delivered a great word to us on WORSHIP: why we do what we do. The bottom line is that everyone worships SOMETHING... worship simply means that you place value on something; defining it as what truly matters to you.

What do you worship? Is it a car? MONEY? A relationship? Success?

We were made to Worship our Creator. And we CAN worship, because of His unfailing grace. Brandon asked us to seriously consider where we would be without his grace, without our salvation... what if WE had to carry the burden of our sin nature? What if, at the end of the day, we had to receive the penalty for our sins? Aren't you thankful that He took care of that for us, 2,000 years ago? True worship begins with our acknowledgement and realization of what Jesus Christ truly did for us.

Worship carries us through all seasons of life. It is so easy to praise God from the mountaintops, but how do you treat Him when you're in the valley? Are you too ashamed to speak to Him when you've made a terrible mistake? Out of sheer respect for Him, do you hide from a moment of prayer because you believe you're failed Him? The truth is, it is during our lowest moment that our worship means the most. What makes us think that when we're at the best time in our life, that we're more worthy of Him then? Just an example... a man received news of terminal, aggressive cancer... and that same day, walked into his studio, pressed record... and "Healer" was born. Do you truly give it all to God, during all the seasons of your life?

Lastly, there is nothing God loves more than us all coming together. We are a family in Christ. As Christians, we are His body... and the church should be our Home Base. Our lives should be centered around Him. Everything we are, everything we aspire to be... should be OF Him.

The night ended when I got the chance to personally work with two people that received Salvation; one, I learned, was for the very first time. Her husband went up to the front with her, and ended up recommitting his life as well. But, she had never stepped foot into a church and had no idea who God was; Brandon's message spoke directly to her, and absolutely changed every aspect of her life.

All of a sudden... a marriage that, earlier, had provoked a specific prayer request of our leaders, was strengthened under a common commitment to God. They welcomed Him into their lives, and it was apparent that everything had changed.

Don't you just love nights like that?

The Truth Project: Tour 1

2008-06-11T14:49:00.000-07:00

The first night of The Truth Project was last night. Already, my mind has been exhausted. One of the simplest questions – “what is truth” – Apparently had no definite answer. It quickly became obvious that people from all walks of life, with their own ideas and confirmations of reality, had no concept of truth. No one could recite the definition off the top of their head, no one could provide concrete examples to wrap our minds around… there was a lot of stuttering, a lot of scrambling, a lot of random metaphors hoping to prove relatable and just a lot of looks of complete stupidity as we, mankind, stared in the lens of a camera, unable to confidently answer the seemingly simplest question of our time.

What is truth?

I even hesitated when I went to rattle off my own definition in my head, which made me mad. It’s not that hard, I scolded myself. Truth is reality. Reality is absolute; Truth, in turn, is absolute.

However. Some people don’t believe in absolute truth. Some people believe that truth is relative; truth is perception, something that is different to each individual person. Some believe we’ve been given the right to choose our truth; a right that we cling to because we, as mankind, are victims to captivity. We make excuses to justify what God already knows is excusable by Truth He provided. Which, to me, sounds like we’re just doing a lot more work than we really should; we cannot embrace “The truth, The way and The life” that has been set before us, in black and white.

Here’s the reality. TRUTH is scripturally sound. TRUTH is absolute. Supreme, fixed, preset, specific. There is no way around it; no way to bend it to accommodate personal preference or belief. From the beginning of Creation, Truth has been unwavering.

Another amazingly valid point brought up: some people claim “faith” rather than Christianity. They claim to be faithful; rather than confirming to be of God.

Why? To save face? To live in the grey; to avoid fixation?

To avoid Truth?

You have Faith? Faith in what? What TRUTH do you engage your faith in?

As one guy so perfectly put it last night, people across the world are dying for their own (false) Truths… what would happen if we could all stand together in the One Truth that we all are made to know? What if we could recite the same definition and provide the same concrete examples? How powerful would we be?

This is My Anthem

2008-05-29T18:33:00.000-07:00

Last night, Pastor Sheila talked to us about Anthems - she helped us find ours.

My immediate response, when I saw the list of things to choose from, was FAITH. Obviously. It's my heart and soul; the backbone of everything I am. So, when I first impulsively chose my Anthem, it was to "illuminate and inspire faith".

And as soon as I had written the words, I knew that it wasn't correct. It didn't feel right; in my heart of hearts, there was no "wow" factor.

I knew that while Faith is my number one, it is nothing unless it is fueled by something. Just like love is nothing unless it is caught on fire. A life lived with no determination, no drive, no consuming desire... is no life to live. It's a void that cannot be filled, by just obediant Faith. There was something more.

So, I meditated on the words floating around my page. I picked different verbs, rearranged them, threw random words in... hoping to find something I liked. I prayed that God would shout my Anthem to me; light it on fire right before my eyes so I could breathe a sigh of relief, write it in my trusty journal with lots of underlines and cute little stars and swirls, and begin to focus on it daily.

That's definitely not how He works. :)

In my confusion, He was gently reminding me that I have known my Anthem for years. I've even recited it to people, in a variation of words. He's shown me over and over again what my purpose, strength and calling actually is.

It's something I possess that sometimes can be mistaken for extreme emotion. It causes me to over-analyze the smallest situation, find excitement in the tiniest detail, and laugh ridiculously when the joke isn't even that funny. It's why diving headfirst is the only way I can approach a scary situation. It's wreckless abandon; extreme faith... hesitation doesn't live here. It's encouraging people when they radiate with doubt, it's wanting something so badly that it brings you to tears.

It's Passion.

When I arrived at work this morning, my Anthem was clear.

We know of the Passion of Christ; the intensity of his love and devotion, the life He lived at the intersection of Passion and Purpose. That is what I want to see. This is what inspires ME.

I want to see Passion in the lives of our generation.

When I love, I want to love passionately and without reservation. I want to inspire people to do the same.

When I write, I want to write with a passion so strong that it paints vivid pictures in your mind. I want to inspire people to do the same.

When I worship, I want to worship with a passion so intense that it can be felt from the furthest point in the room. And I want to inspire people to do the same.

I want people to want something so badly for their lives, for this world, for our generation - that it moves them to tears. Passion is something within YOU, that, if used correctly can be felt by someone else.

And THAT... is too cool for words :)

Determining my Anthem reaffirmed things in my life, that I didn't realize needed affirmation. I know that Im not wired to live a passive life.

So. I live to continually ignite, increase and inspire passion, in my generation.

This is my Anthem.